We all come into this world like a sponge. We suck up all of the information that we can, and as we grow up, our experiences help to shape our world view. That is the information we carry forth into the world as an adult.

Along the way though, we also develop our identity — which is directly derived from our parents. (Or sometimes a grandparent, or whomever it was that raised us or was very close to us.) Subconsciously, we seek to identify with the person whose love we craved most. Even if they have passed away, we shape ourselves into what we think we need to be in order to gain their love, their acceptance and their approval

Think of the person whose love you craved most: what did you have to be for that person to accept and love you? What did you have to think or do to gain their approval?

Tony gives a great example of this:

I am one of those people that has to always give, I was raised to give — you don’t take. When I was poor and had no money, I would take other people to lunch at Denny’s. I would pay for their order and then I had no money for myself, so I would have a nice tea and I’d tell people, I had already eaten — because I had to give. It was a demand. It wasn’t a desire. It was something I had to do.

How many times have you heard someone say: “I wasn’t (or was) raised like that”? And why does that matter to us? It matters because you have sourced your identity from your childhood, and from the person who raised you, so those are the beliefs you will always align yourself with.

By examining your childhood, and understanding whose love you craved most, you can get a more clear explanation of why you see yourself the way you do.